In case you haven’t noticed by now, romantic relationships are ubiquitous on campus. There is a clear disparity, however, between the way that we define and understand how dating culture has manifested itself in Gen Z romances. Two phrases you are likely to have either heard of or directly experienced include “situationship” and “talking stage.” These are terms that evoked big feelings at The Tartan this week.
We prioritize a trait that is largely lacking in many flawed romantic relationships: clear communication and shared understandings. This is why we set out to develop a distinction in how we defined “situationship” and “talking stage.” In summation: there is an agreed upon active vs. passive difference between how we define “situationship” and “talking stage.” A “situationship” can be one-sided or trend on imbalance, but “talking stage” implies a degree of mutual interest and action that aligns with what could fall under the umbrella of “courting.”
“Courting” can present itself in different ways depending on how the culture of the time shapes its manifestation. In the 80s, society had John Cusack holding a boombox over his head as an expression of love in “Say Anything”; in the 90s, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks had AOL in “You’ve Got Mail.” But throughout time, one thing remained the same — the fact that Hollywood depictions of romantic relationships were never heralded as accurate to the typical experience of love that audiences could see in their daily lives.
The gap in experience that Gen Z has with dating compared to generations before is no more unique than the gaps in understanding between previous generations and those to come. Dating culture will always be unique to the circumstances that are imposed on our generation, but this isn’t to say that it isn’t worth looking at. One of the most shocking keystones of dating for Gen Z is that over 60% of couples are meeting through dating apps. Most depressing to the board was the statistic that less than 10% of couples are meeting organically.
Those statistics are not particularly exciting. If we as college students had such negative reactions to the truth about how couples are meeting these days, then why has it become the persistent standard for our generation? This may be due to a lack or transformation of third spaces. It can be difficult to meet people in modern-day coffee shops because they are environments that are largely dedicated to productivity and work. It can be a risky thing to approach someone while they are analyzing spreadsheets at Coffee Tree Roasters — there isn’t really anything about a person working that invites socialization or interaction.
Meeting organically can also have its challenges. Many people in our generation struggle to discern platonic love from romantic love. In the media, love is reserved for family and lovers. It can be difficult for television shows to depict platonic love without audiences immediately interpreting it as a romantic relationship. One Tartan member observed that every time new letters between WWII fighter pilots are published, they are almost always interpreted as homoerotic — the notion of platonic love as valid and normal is far removed from common thought.
As a generation, we are so conditioned to assign love to feelings of attraction that when we feel love for our friends, we project romantic undertones onto those interactions — especially if the friendship is between two people who are attracted to each other’s respective gender. (If “When Harry Met Sally” claims that men and women can never be just friends, what the hell does this mean for bisexuals?)
Perhaps the uncertainty and perpetual miscommunication that arises from natural interactions is why people find comfort or security in dating apps. We have difficulty compartmentalizing our platonic and romantic relationships, so it’s no wonder we need an app that spells out a clear intention of approaching a person with explicitly romantic intentions. With dating apps, there is no question that the person you are matching with is seeking out something romantic in nature.
The apps, along with tropes of miscommunication in regard to intention and expectation, all point to the notion that uncertainty and fear are driving factors in the way we approach romantic relationships. Talking stages are the new inevitable start to every romantic relationship and have replaced what courtship used to be. Where people used to have “going steady,” we now have “streaks” and “GamePigeon.” The way we approach dating and courtship is changing. We should try not to reminisce too hard about the way dating was represented in cultural memory. There is always a delay and gap of accuracy in media representation of romance from generation to generation, and for now, just because it’s not presented as the most romantic thing in the world, it doesn’t dismiss the notion of blocking someone a meal being an inherently erotic act of courtship.
At the end of the day, if we feel like our generation is cooked in the love department, we are the only ones who can do anything about it. In the meantime, expose yourself to uncertainty, sit down at a coffee shop with an interesting book without headphones, and open yourself up to the world beyond yourself and your fears. Maybe through pulling the huzz at the coffee shop, you will be the change you want to see in this generation.